Another year gone by...

Well, I suppose I'd better carry on the tradition of posting once a year, right? LOL Things are going good for me, Chad and Evan. Evan sure is a bundle of energy! Chad is enjoying his job, and I love being able to stay home with Evan every day! We have our beautiful Christmas tree up, and the front of the house is decorated for the holiday, too. Chad and I are really looking forward to our vacation in May; Puerto Vallarta, Mexico! Okay, I think that's all the news I have for now. Until next year, Best Wishes and Merry Christmas!

Update!

Okay, so I know it hasn't been NEARLY long enough in between posts from me, but I wanted to share that my lovely Evan woke me up at 7:30 this morning by patting me on my back and calling for "mommy". Yes, folks, he's figured out how to climb out of his crib. Tonight, after I put him to bed, I came into the livingroom to check in on the computer, and all of a sudden I hear him right behind me saying "Mommy. Hi. Hi mommy." so back to bed he went, and I installed the gate I bought just for the doorway of his room, so that next time he wakes up and escapes the bed, at least he'll still be in his room. With that, I'll sign off for now. I wonder what fun things Evan and I will do tomorrow.....

Who knew?

After my last post, who knew it would be this long until I posted again? Not me! My, how things have changed... yet so much has stayed the same. Evan is still the best boy ever, and working on 22 months old, he is also sitting on the potty and he even goes on the potty sometimes! He even peed twice on the potty this morning! He is also learning new words like crazy, a few new ones are: mess, clothes, and dirty. He is silly and loves to hear people sneeze. Man he thinks sneezing is hilarious! Evan still sleeps in his crib, and although he has not climbed out of it yet, I have no doubt that he could if he wanted to. He still sits in his highchair for meals, and can climb into and out of it as long as the tray is not on. While he's a good eater, Evan also still throws his food at meals, whether he is done eating or not. That's pretty frustrating, but we are working on it. Evan loves to play with balls and blocks, his favorite stuffed animal is Eeyore, and he still really loves his Monkey, Mickey, Frogger and Puppy loveys.

We recently moved, still in Poynette, just about 6 blocks from where we were before. We love the town and the apartment, but trading the third bedroom for the garage and deck is still hard to deal with sometimes. I really miss having a sewing room :( There are so many projects I really want to get going on, but it's such a hassle to get everything out for an hour or so just to have to pack it back up. However, we play out on the deck almost every day so it was definitely worth it, just to give Evan the freedom to play outside freely. Right after we moved, when Poynett had their city wide garage sales, we had one too but it was a cold, rainy weekend so the sale was pretty much a flop and our garage is still full of the stuff that didn't sell. One of these days I'm going to have to pack it up so I can park in the garage again... One day soon!

Chad's job is going good and he still really likes it. My job, well that's a whole nother story. Last October I got a job at a daycare center in Madison, I loved it and Evan liked going to school every day too. Everything was fine on the surface... but about the First of April word started spreading that the center was broke and might be closing. Lo and behold, it happened! On April 15, at about 5:30pm my co-worker got a text to tell the parents at pick-up that we were closing our doors that night. At 5:30 on a Friday night, really?! Even though we all kind-of knew it was coming, it was still quite a blow. Now I'm back at McDonald's in Deforest. It's definitely not the best, but it's a steady job in an economy where so many people still don't have jobs.

Chad and I are doing good, we're back to the rotating schedule of not seeing each other very much, but this summer we have been able to do some really fun things together as a family! Chad had vacation at the end of June, so we took a day with my mom and sister/family to visit the cemetary where my grandma is buried, and that same afternoon, went to visit a family friend's farm. What a nice visit! Then, for the Fourth of July weekend, we spent a couple of days at Chad's parents' cabin and on their boat. Evan loved it! Chad and I both got pretty good sunburns, but Evan stayed slathered in sunblock so he was okay. We saw the Merrimac fireworks with my family on Sunday night, had a great cookout with friends on Monday, and Evan and I enjoyed a cookout with my mom and sister yesterday. Evan loved playing with his cousins, and we all walked to Elver Park tosee their awesome fireworks show too. So far we've had a pretty busy summer and it doesn't look like things are going to slow down much! We'll see how long it takes before I get back on here again.... ;)

Holy cow, I haven't been on here in forever!

Holy cow, I haven't been on here in forever! Well, since I'm back, I'll give a quick recap of the last 8 months.... Evan learned how to roll over, he got a few more teeth for a total of 8 now, he learned how to crawl, and now, 2 days before his birthday, he is walking and talking. Evan has been saying adadadada and bababa for forever it seems, even though I know it hasn't been bearly that long, but over the weekend he started saying "bye" and waving to himself, which is super cute. My silly boy is also starting to say mamamama, which I love. We have big plans for Evan's first birthday party, which we are having at a park in town here on Saturday. We have lots of family and friends invited, and we can't wait! Chad thinks we're going overboard but I think it's just perfect! *Hope the weather's nice!*

Chad started 3 months of overnight shift at work this week, which means I 'm doing 3 months of 2-10 at work. It really sucks to be away from Evan at bedtime. I miss our routine; dinner, bath, play time, books, and bed. I miss rocking my baby as he drinks his bottle. Sweet baby smell, sweet baby noises, sweet baby contentment. It will make me that much more thankful, then, when I can go back to my regular 6-2 and have my bedtime routine back with my toddler.

Life goes on at a speed we never expected. Babies grow up in the blink of an eye. Love them up while you can!

It's definitely Monday...

Evan slept great last night after a busy couple of days. He was having a bottle as I was leaving for work this morning. Chad said that he was crabby this morning. I can't wait for those teeth to come through! This afternoon Evan and I played on the floor. He doesn't really like tummy time but I put him on his tummy anyway. It helps strengthen his neck muscles and gives him more control and coordination over his body. He hasn't rolled over yet but I know it's coming soon! We had a bath today too. I washed Evan's hair twice and it still smells like the baptism oil. I wonder how long his hair will smell like patchouli?

Evan is discovering his voice! He plays on the floor and squeals and yells to his heart's content! Most of the time the noises are happy but Evan sure lets us know if he needs something! Evan likes to play with toy keys and rattles and he likes the exersaucer but he is terrified of the clear bead tube on it. Evan also prefers sitting up over laying back.

Last week Evan started discovering his feet at diaper time. He will grab onto them and hold on. I even saw him with his feet in his mouth a few times! Such a silly boy...

Okay, Evan is asleep and I have to head to bed also. I am going to Cheryl's house tomorrow so I will try to update before then.

New year, new month, new goals

Wow, what a long time it's been since my last post! I really need to be better about updating my blog.... Which brings me to today. My birthday was yesterday. I turned 29. Evan was baptised today. And as Chad and I were driving home, with our son in the back seat, I turned off the radio and started thinking about life.

Things change in the blink of an eye. Lives are changed forever. One day you are pregnant, and the next you are in charge of a person. If you are lucky, you are responsible for helping this person live right and grow up with morals and beliefs. You teach him what is right and wrong, you teach him about loving himself and others, and you teach him about God.

If you do your job right, he grows up and holds steadfast to what eh believes, and while you may not always agree with what he chooses, you are proud of him for standing strong against the opposition. You help him up when he needs it so that one day he can stand up for himself and what is right. You love him and show him how you love others so that one day he can have a healthy, loving relationship with another. While loving himself and others, he learns about God's love for him and others, and he shares that message with fellow believers and those who have yet to believe. It is this love of God that will help him understand when bad things happen to other people.

Evan had a beautiful cousin, Rolin Isaiah, who lived and ceased living on January 26, 2010. Rolin was 3lb 8oz and 15 inches long. He lived for 3 hours and 17 minutes. Just a drop in the hat of time for those of us who spend our years doing things that do not bring us joy or honor. But for Julia and Scott, those 197 minutes will be in their hearts and memories forever. One day I will share with Evan the story of his cousin's short life, and I will use this bible verse, that Julia and Scott picked out just for Rolin: Isaiah 26:3 (New International Version)
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

It is my reflection of Julia's journey through her pregnancy and knowing that her child would not survive much beyond birth, that I realize how precious the gift of a healthy, happy baby is. I know how quickly memories fade so I am going to make an effort to share an update on Evan every day until his first birthday.

To start with today, Evan is just over 4 months/18 weeks old. He is a happy, smiley boy. He has been eating rice cereal for a week last Friday. I have enough milk frozen and am producing enough each day that Evan has had only breast milk since he was 4 days old. Before then he had a little bit of formula, maybe 10oz or so. He is currently drinking 6oz every 3 hours, with 2oz milk + 2 tbsp rice cereal around 2pm. Evan's bedtime is 8pm and our routine is that he falls asleep with a bottle then lights out then we sing a song and he goes into his bed. He will sometimes fuss a little bit about 15 minutes or so after he lays down but will get himself back to sleep. He wakes up around 3 for a bottle then goes back to sleep till 8/9 or so. Evan is a cat-napper, with a 20-30 minute snooze about 2 hours after he wakes up and about every 2 hours after that. Evan usually wakes up happy, and gives big smiles to whoever gets him from his bed in the morning. In an effort to make sure I come back tomorrow, I will leave more details for tomorrow. I work tomorrow so the update will be later in the day. I have heard that you have to do something for 21 days for it to become a habit. Well, here's to creating new habits this new year.

Working through grief

In this time of Holiday celebration and Thanksgiving, I got some bad news. I will start at the beginning so you all can understand and follow, then I will give my reflection.

Last week, my mom Cheryl asked me to drive down to Kenosha with her to be present for my sister Julia's 20 week ultrasound. What a joyful day, it was my mom's birthday and Julia was so excited to find out the gender of her baby! We got ti Julia's house early so we could talk and get Evan out of the car for a while, we had been in the car for 2 hours already and everyone needed a few minutes to stretch.
The appointment was at 1pm and we were right on time! When Julia's name was called, Cheryl, Evan and I followed her into the ultrasound room, along with her boyfriend Scott and his mom. Everything was going well, the baby was moving and had a strong heartbeat of 144 bpm. Then the u/s tech said she needed the Dr's help seeing something so she asked everyone except Scott to step out of the room. Julia started to freak out. While we were waiting in the lobby, the Dr. told Julia that her baby had no amniotic fluid. Because there was no fluid, there was no way to see the gender of the baby. She freaked out more and asked for mom. Cheryl and Scott's mom went back into the room with Julia, where they heard the upsetting news that her baby had cysts on both of it's kidneys. The Dr. referred Julia to a perinatology specialist at Froedtert Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. The specialist made an appointment for Julia on Monday.
Everyone was in shock, and no one knew quite what to say or do. Scott had to work that night, he is a truck driver, and instead of going to Chicago where he was originally supposed to go and which is only 2 hours away, he got sent to LaCrosse which is 4 hours away from the company's base in Milwaukee. Mom and I didn't want Julia to be alone so we stayed overnight with her. None of us slept well, we were all anxious and scared for Julia and her baby.
Just as Cheryl and I were getting ready to go home on Friday, Julia looked at her phone and realized the specialist from Froedtert had been trying to call her. They had an appointment opening for that day, Friday, at 2. Julia tried frantically to get ahold of Scott to find out if he would be home in time to go to the appointment with her. It turns out that since he had to go to LaCrosse instead of Chicago, he ran out of drive hours and was stuck in Tomah for 10 hours and wouldn't be able to make it back in time. Julia asked if he wanted her to go to the appointment without him, or if he wanted her to wait for him. It was really urgent for Julia to find out what was going on with her baby, so she went to the appointment with me, Evan, Cheryl, and Scott's mom.
Once we got to the hospital, we found out that it was on lock down due to the H1N1 virus, and that nobody under 18 was permitted past the front desk unless they had an appointment, so Evan and I got to sit at the front desk for 2 hours while Julia and the moms had the appointment. When I saw Julia walk down the hallway afterwards, she walked up to me and gave me a hug, and tearfully told me that her baby wasn't going to make it.
As a baby develops in the amniotic sac, it swallows and inhales the amniotic fluid. The kidneys then process and replenish the fluid that the baby swallows. It also produces surfacant in the lungs which helps them inflate and stay expanded once the baby takes its first breath. Since the baby's kidneys have cysts, they are unable to function to replenish the amniotic fluid, which means that the baby's lungs have no chance of developing since they need that fluid to produce the surfacant.
Basically, when Julia's baby is born it will live for a short time, but will slowly suffocate to death because the lungs have not been able to develop properly and will not be able to absorb oxygen to carry it through the baby's body.

The reality is that it's a hard situation for everyone. Here Julia and I are, unconventionally, sisters. We're the same age and we were excited to have babies within 6 months of each other. Mom and I had started buying things for Julia and her baby, and I had started putting away clothes that Evan had already outgrown, ready to give them to Julia for her baby. Then we get this devastating news, and everyone is counting their blessings, and we're left asking why.

I am reminded of something I read recently that I have been reflecting on. It reminds us to give thanks.

"in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Sometimes its difficult enough to remember to give thanks during the good times, when things are going well. So how are we supposed to give thanks when times are hard and nothing seems to be going right? The Bible verse says to give thanks in everything, not necessarily for everything. Bad things happen; we do not have to give thanks for them, but we can give thanks in the midst of them. Few people ever stop to ask 'Why am I so blessed? Why did I get so lucky?' - many of us assume we deserve the good things in our lives, that for whatever reason, the blessings are earned. And the bad things - that is when we question and rage and scream at God. But if we are not going to question good fortune, we have no right to question bad fortune either.

With God's help, I am working through my own emotions of grief for Julia and her new baby that will never get the chances that my own new baby will get, and also remembering to give thanks for my many blessings, all the while constantly praying for a miracle...