Working through grief

In this time of Holiday celebration and Thanksgiving, I got some bad news. I will start at the beginning so you all can understand and follow, then I will give my reflection.

Last week, my mom Cheryl asked me to drive down to Kenosha with her to be present for my sister Julia's 20 week ultrasound. What a joyful day, it was my mom's birthday and Julia was so excited to find out the gender of her baby! We got ti Julia's house early so we could talk and get Evan out of the car for a while, we had been in the car for 2 hours already and everyone needed a few minutes to stretch.
The appointment was at 1pm and we were right on time! When Julia's name was called, Cheryl, Evan and I followed her into the ultrasound room, along with her boyfriend Scott and his mom. Everything was going well, the baby was moving and had a strong heartbeat of 144 bpm. Then the u/s tech said she needed the Dr's help seeing something so she asked everyone except Scott to step out of the room. Julia started to freak out. While we were waiting in the lobby, the Dr. told Julia that her baby had no amniotic fluid. Because there was no fluid, there was no way to see the gender of the baby. She freaked out more and asked for mom. Cheryl and Scott's mom went back into the room with Julia, where they heard the upsetting news that her baby had cysts on both of it's kidneys. The Dr. referred Julia to a perinatology specialist at Froedtert Children's Hospital in Milwaukee. The specialist made an appointment for Julia on Monday.
Everyone was in shock, and no one knew quite what to say or do. Scott had to work that night, he is a truck driver, and instead of going to Chicago where he was originally supposed to go and which is only 2 hours away, he got sent to LaCrosse which is 4 hours away from the company's base in Milwaukee. Mom and I didn't want Julia to be alone so we stayed overnight with her. None of us slept well, we were all anxious and scared for Julia and her baby.
Just as Cheryl and I were getting ready to go home on Friday, Julia looked at her phone and realized the specialist from Froedtert had been trying to call her. They had an appointment opening for that day, Friday, at 2. Julia tried frantically to get ahold of Scott to find out if he would be home in time to go to the appointment with her. It turns out that since he had to go to LaCrosse instead of Chicago, he ran out of drive hours and was stuck in Tomah for 10 hours and wouldn't be able to make it back in time. Julia asked if he wanted her to go to the appointment without him, or if he wanted her to wait for him. It was really urgent for Julia to find out what was going on with her baby, so she went to the appointment with me, Evan, Cheryl, and Scott's mom.
Once we got to the hospital, we found out that it was on lock down due to the H1N1 virus, and that nobody under 18 was permitted past the front desk unless they had an appointment, so Evan and I got to sit at the front desk for 2 hours while Julia and the moms had the appointment. When I saw Julia walk down the hallway afterwards, she walked up to me and gave me a hug, and tearfully told me that her baby wasn't going to make it.
As a baby develops in the amniotic sac, it swallows and inhales the amniotic fluid. The kidneys then process and replenish the fluid that the baby swallows. It also produces surfacant in the lungs which helps them inflate and stay expanded once the baby takes its first breath. Since the baby's kidneys have cysts, they are unable to function to replenish the amniotic fluid, which means that the baby's lungs have no chance of developing since they need that fluid to produce the surfacant.
Basically, when Julia's baby is born it will live for a short time, but will slowly suffocate to death because the lungs have not been able to develop properly and will not be able to absorb oxygen to carry it through the baby's body.

The reality is that it's a hard situation for everyone. Here Julia and I are, unconventionally, sisters. We're the same age and we were excited to have babies within 6 months of each other. Mom and I had started buying things for Julia and her baby, and I had started putting away clothes that Evan had already outgrown, ready to give them to Julia for her baby. Then we get this devastating news, and everyone is counting their blessings, and we're left asking why.

I am reminded of something I read recently that I have been reflecting on. It reminds us to give thanks.

"in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Sometimes its difficult enough to remember to give thanks during the good times, when things are going well. So how are we supposed to give thanks when times are hard and nothing seems to be going right? The Bible verse says to give thanks in everything, not necessarily for everything. Bad things happen; we do not have to give thanks for them, but we can give thanks in the midst of them. Few people ever stop to ask 'Why am I so blessed? Why did I get so lucky?' - many of us assume we deserve the good things in our lives, that for whatever reason, the blessings are earned. And the bad things - that is when we question and rage and scream at God. But if we are not going to question good fortune, we have no right to question bad fortune either.

With God's help, I am working through my own emotions of grief for Julia and her new baby that will never get the chances that my own new baby will get, and also remembering to give thanks for my many blessings, all the while constantly praying for a miracle...